Zeal

University Grounds, Division of Life Sciences, PC Unit No. 32
Date: X/XX/XX
Subject: Outward Insecurities are for the Impertinent and Immature, so Help me Gaea
Password Protected: Yes

As much as this Turk Intern does not wish to admit it, there are instances when I do become jealous, or yet, even envious of my other colleagues. For instance, the top-notching White a year older than myself is excelling greatly in all our assignments, whether it be on the job inside the Gray Area Hospital or in the field, defending idealist principles or revolutionizing the scientific stand on matters by developing a new idea. The other, a fellow double-agent, is my mentor at Turk HQ and in the University library. When I surpass Agent Z, then I will be satisfied with my performance.

Welsche Bidansi and Xanther Zeimlich are virtually performing well. They have their admirable unfailing spirits and impeccable characters to thank, as well as unsurpassable marks in the national exams. When I will be able to perform as well as they do, I do not know exactly, but I am preparing for the assignments ahead.

In times of doubting my own capabilities, I am inclined to count those things the Supreme Being has granted this ungrateful human. Enhanced with plasmic injections, both Turks and Maroons have privileges to account for. I have descent subsidence from a Government I would like to blow up. I have family far from the city where they can't be harmed by my espionage work, but with whom I still maintain contact with. Not only am I in line with one of the well-off citizens of Capitoline, I am also one of the most spoiled.

I realized this just now when Zeimlich tackled a defense on the subject concerned in Planet Life, unfailingly, flawlessly and awesomely. He did it with a smile all through out. He is one of the most under-subsidized in the Gray Area, yet he excells the most in any area he is placed in. Like the heroes of Midgar several history books ago, I liken him to the SOLDIER Fair, who smiled until his death, or so the legend says. Not that I would want my mentor to end his days grimacing, but I set his character as an example, as a key which I must copy.

There and then, Zeimlich asked me what I learned from example and as I started to speak, he hushed me quickly. Faster than a swift katana at a moving target. And told me to listen to the instructor's instructions. I hid my shade of amaranth red.

I opted to listen in the silence of my mind and came up with all of this, a healthier, sounder, clearer atmosphere. I realized that I had much to learn on both sides of Day and that if I were destined to be anything but a mediocre citizen, I might as well stop listening to those who knew better than me and start chucking Jihuan knives at everything I see. I was trained to do all that, and I realized my envy came out of lack of self-control. I intend to fix that starting now.

And that moment ended all doubts I had in myself.

As of now, I have an assignment in Viriminal Hill. The details are of course more classified than my rantings on Capitol life. My endless rantings and complaints on Turk and White Life. Today it will be Operation Recollect and Vaporize. Mercury spill in Capitol River. End of story, period, no questions asked.